Onions and twinkly bits

After writing my last post, I settled down to watch the ‘Meet the Police Commissioner’ documentary on Channel 4. I did have an idea about how the programme was going to pan out beforehand, based on the clips I had seen, but I wanted to see it in its entirety before passing judgement. I am a fan of mockumentaries such as ‘W1A’ and ‘The Office’ and, as this proceeded in much the same cringeworthy fashion, I found it amusing at first. However, as well as appreciating satirical humour, I also happen to be a special constable in the very same police service which Mrs Barnes was (perhaps inadvertently) turning into a laughing stock and, after the programme had finished and I had considered the onions, tins of paint, nail polish, meeting speak, chief constable pep talks, Ann Force 1 etc. I grew more and more peeved at the conduct of our PCC. During the course of the day statements were issued by Mrs Barnes and Kent Police Federation, The Policing Onion got its own Twitter account (@AnnBarnessOnion) and a plane was even flown over Kent Police HQ towing a banner saying ‘#AnnBarnesOut Resign’. She has achieved some positive results in her time as PCC but I really wish she had kept the lid firmly on her tin of onion paint on this occasion.

Working on the masterpiece
Working on the masterpiece

Catrin was very upset yesterday when her Peppa Pig mug went the way of Ann Barnes’ credibility and smashed into tiny pieces on the kitchen floor. She was distraught when I had to scoop it up into the bin and kept saying ” but Colin and Emma bought it for me” in a tiny voice. I felt sorry for her and suggested we make a birthday card for a relative in Canada. Her smile returned when I took out the card decorations and she took to covering it (and the carpet) with ‘twinkly bits’. She then rapidly transformed into a diamanté dictator, culminating in a full blown strop when I told her to let the glue dry before closing the card as she had not yet completed her masterpiece.

I am relieved to have survived a grey, soggy half term at home with the girls, having only developed a slight twitch from over exposure to a certain Disney film. I felt a nice, warm feeling as I transported a sleeping Catrin from our bed into her own last night and an even better feeling this morning after an astonishingly decent sleep, waking up to bright sunshine.

A little voice appeared…”I’m hungry…” You know the rest.


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